Текст (слова) песни: Bloodhound Gang - I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks

If your ass is a Chinese restaurant Ill have the poo-poo platter
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
I said guys Im like you I like Monster Trucks too
Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?
I just wish I was queer so I could get
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that dont dig
Chicks that dont dig guys like me
See Im not queer Im too ugly
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony
Maybe its a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
Scoring with a super model would be easy
Cause super model means voluptuous but is also is synonomous with super dumb
Ya see Id be a good listener so shed treat me like a sister and soon Id become
That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
No it wouldnt be a week before Im in her underwear
I wish I was queer so I could get
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that dont dig
Chicks that dont dig guys like me
See Im not queer Im too ugly
Doesnt matter what Im packin in my denim its whats in my genes
The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean
See Im not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
No Im not Princess Di and I dont wanna be a queen
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Anyway if I were gay Id have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
Hang out with my moms hair stylist his name is Kip hes got a lisp he talks like this
And wear my mothers lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
I wish I was queer so I could get
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that dont dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that dont dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that dont dig
Chicks that dont dig guys like me
See Im not queer Im too ugly
And I dont shave my heiny
Dont shave my heiny
See Im not queer Im too ugly 
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